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Monday, September 26, 2011

Home Sweet Home

There is no place like home!  I am still waking up disoriented.  I lie in bed trying to feel the room...is it mine or is it somewhere else. I slowly open my eyes trying to see in the dark if I am in my own bed. It feels comfortable...so it must be my bed!  Have you ever had times like this...where the world seems a little off kilter?  I have not re-entered my life with it's daily schedule and so time and space are still somewhat foreign. I am sure it will continue on in this way for a while.  I don't go back to work till the last week in Oct. and will continue to be in and out of town...and, my bed for several more weeks. I do have some high points which I am going to try and enjoy, the Fabric Stalkers Beach Retreat, Diane from Texas coming for a visit, getting together with friends at Anne's house, Woolies, the Mina Bag class in Sisters...these are all happening over the next few weeks.  In between the meetings and flight back down to mom's. 

HH and I have been married now for 34 years and we have been together 34 years and 3 months.  After two weeks of knowing each other he popped the question and I said yes.  My mother has been a part of his life for a long time also...they are and were both formidable personalities.  So she leaves us with not only a huge hole in our hearts but a massive space in my brain.  The Kim sisters have a micro managing trait.  It comes from surviving a war...loss, fear...if you can control it...you can keep the bad things away and protect your family.  I have used a substantial part of my brain in a game of independence with mom and now the game is over...it is so weird...I long to hear her voice but at the same time a part of me is peaceful.  I am not sure to what to do with all these emotions and so I am going to dive into my quilt life!

 

While I was in the midst of all the chaos down south I received a voicemail...it took me 3 times of listening to the message to understand that my Kathy Schmitz embroidery was ready at Bits and Pieces Custom Framing in Bend, Oregon.  I loved this pattern and it fits the feeling of, there is no place like home!  I of course put a little personal touch and embroidered "Bates House" on the front of the house.  Now I need to begin my "Which Witches Boot" and am at peace with the fact that there is no way it will be done by Halloween...but at least I will have something Halloweenie to work on!


17 comments:

  1. More than likely while you were gone you recieved the mystery bom from sisters quilt shop, I know I did and its coming along very nicely, its a lot of fun to put together (at least so far), have you had a chance to look at it...

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  2. Oh goodie! Today I pick up my mail from the post office!!! Can't wait! something for me to work on while quilt retreating.

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  3. Love heard from you and back to sew,that helps to go ahead.

    Hugs

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  4. That is a wonderful piece, love her designs.
    I am having one of those days, just getting through it and trying not to think too much.

    Debbie

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  5. Lovely embroidery work! I love how you personalized it. It's good that you have some time to "re-group" and refocus after losing your mom. What better way to do it than with friends and family.

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  6. Thank you Rosa...keeping busy always helps a heavy heart!

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  7. Oh Debbie, don't those days just seem to drag on...there are times I just want to get up, take a shower and then get back into bed.

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  8. We all process loss differently so just be who and how you are when you wake up each Morning. Thank goodness there are no time tables or set of benchmarks to meet with working through grief, at least there should not be. I really related when you spoke about your "game of independence" with your mom. It helped me see her efforts to control as being a drive to protect. My struggle for independence has been a drive to be uniquely me. It has been a strange dance at times trying to work it out and relate for the past almost 66 years. Thanks for sharing about that.

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  9. You are so right Loris...who knows with this need to keep busy I could get my Halloween project done! especially on retreat...but then again there is a lot of talking and laughing.

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  10. YOu know Sharney Lea without the sharing I am not sure how we would all survive. It is through talking and hearing others journey that I figure out my own path. It is a strange dance isn't it.

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  11. Hi Anna- your stitchery is lovely. :)

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  12. I've been away for a while and am just catching up with blogs. Please accept my sincere condolences - I am so very sorry for your loss. Both my parents died in 2004 - 4 months apart. It is hard to explain and even harder to understand the depth of the loss of your parents until you have walked that path. No matter where you are, and no matter where they are, they are your home. To be separated from that home even if only briefly is agonizing. My prayers are with you. blessings, marlene

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  13. Thanks Sandy, it was so relaxing to work on. Simple and only one thread color.

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  14. oh marlene, how heart breaking...4 months apart. My brain so empty without her presence...I would get a text, email or call every day...I keep re-reading the last 24 hours of text just to feel her presence. I have been playing a wave audio she sent my youngest son with he was 13 yrs old just to hear her voice...sigh...

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  15. Your framed piece is wonderful, and you never know...you just might be able to finish that Halloween piece during the retreat. Talking and laughing just seem to go along with stitching sometimes.

    If you think about it, dealing with your loss is a bit like doing your stitchery. It looks like a lot of time and work and that it could take forever...with some projects, maybe even overwhelming. But if you just take one stitch and follow it with another, after awhile you can look back at it in it's entirety and see the progress you've made. Then one day, when it seems like you've always been working on it, you realize that it's finished and it's time to move forward to something else.

    Hugs....

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